The White Whale of Weddings

It might seem like the most important part of wedding planning would be finding the venue or picking the date. Practically, yes, those are both essential to having a wedding. Ask any woman over the age of 4, however, and she'll tell you it's all about the dress. Some women have been searching for the perfect dress (either secretly or brazenly and with no shame) since junior high.

For my first wedding, I started shopping at a sweet little bridal shop in Pasadena that looked like every bridal shop you've seen in movies. Perfect, with the little Victorian settees and the french windows in the front. Row after row of dresses I couldn't afford and yet my magical wedding thinking told me I could. I'm pretty sure the first dress I tried on was The One. It was exactly what I said I didn't want. It was tight, it restricted my arm movement and it was way over my budget. It was perfect. I assumed that the very first dress I tried on couldn't possibly be The One so I proceeded to torture myself with bridal shop after bridal shop of less than perfect ambiance and an array of hideous and over priced dresses. I even went in to a super cheesey "cheap" bridal superstore; I wanted to make sure I didn't miss out on any part of the experience.

Let me tell you something, contrary to my own thinking, those stores aren't cheap. The dresses might look cheap but slap the word wedding in front of anything and the cost is all the same. For me, the ultimate dress experience turned out to be trying on everything. Tacky frou frou to haute couture. I wanted to leave no stone unturned. To that I say, "Do what you need to do." Drive all over town going to every boutique, trunk show and wedding superstore. Feed your 4 year old wedding princess, she deserves it. But, at the end of the day, just remember one thing...you don't need to give any of them a dime. You can walk away from it all knowing you had the diva dress experience of a lifetime and it was all FREE! Go to the appointment only places and let them serve you champagne while you try on $10,000 dresses. Go with your girlfriends and sneak photos in the dressing room when the sales ladies are busy helping someone else. We all do it. How else are you supposed to brag about it on social media later?

The problem lies in your strength of will. Will power, ladies. The ultimate dress experience is not for the feint of heart. You will try on magnificent dresses and your magical thinking will be strong. Your inner voice will be screaming at you that you need that $4,000 dress! You have to have it or your special day won't be special! I am here to tell you that it will be just as special in a $75 dress. I had a blast at my first wedding in my $2,000 dress but I had an even better time at my second wedding in my $75 dress. If you shop with laser focus you can find the diamond in the rough. Or if you expand a little and think outside the box, you can find a beautiful dress that might not be in the bridal section. Just remember that all things "bridal" come at a cost. You're paying for the idea. They're preying on your dreams.

I ended up buying two dresses for my second wedding and still spent less than $350. The first dress I found before I even started my official dress shopping. I wandered into a bridal store for fun to check out the dresses I would never buy and found a rack of "others" off to the side. They weren't wedding dresses but were beautiful designer dresses. None of them would ever normally be considered a wedding dress, however, I had already decided I didn't care. I wanted to feel pretty and was on the hunt for anything that would qualify. The tip here is to broaden your horizons. If you are trying to pull off a wedding for under $5,000, you can't spend half your budget on the dress. Don't be discouraged, just be open minded.

You get a two-fer on my frugal dress hunt since I ended up finding two. I might add, I had no guilt for buying two dresses since the combined cost was still within the no-guilt range on my total budget. Hunt for any and all sales. My shopaholic friend (and frequent enabler) were sale shopping and found an upcoming charity event where designer clothes were being sold at a fraction of the cost for charity. They had fancy designer dresses with sale prices ranging from 75-95% off the retail price. It was a frugal shopper find and turned out to be a gold mine for wedding dress ideas. I found a floor length, white sequinned, Diane Von Furstenberg dress for under $100. I know what you're thinking..."Good for you, how great...for you." I'm not completely trying to rub it in your face here (maybe a little bragging because, come on, that's crazy fabulous!), but I am trying to prove a point. If you stay open minded and hunt for the diamond in the rough you can get lucky. Just by doing a Google search, I found a website for a store offering ex-display and ex-sample dresses for a fraction of the cost. I also found a website very similar to an ebay for used wedding dresses. Women auctioning off their designer dresses. This might not be your cup of tea, but, let's face it, it was only worn once. Chances are you will also be wearing it only once. Being frugal means embracing that practical side of you (or finding it buried deep inside and dragging it kicking and screaming to the surface).

I'll give you another tip here (for free even), make sure to photograph yourself in the dress. I'm not talking selfies here, ladies. Have someone take a nice photo of you from afar and up close. My first dress was gorgeous and I did use it for later in the evening for some of the dancing. When I saw a photograph of it, however, I didn't love how I looked. The white sequinned dress photographed way better and made for phenomenal photos to brag about later. Let's face it, in the end it truly is all about the photos. To that end, have fun on your dress hunt!

Next up, how to find a wedding photographer that will give you Pinterest worthy photos at a price that won't make you want to throw up in your mouth.